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Falcon Diaries
21 May 2012 @ 09:17 am
I lost it.  
Weekend was awesome =) I feel like an adult paying for the whole family a perfect meal at Fish & Co.
Trust me, amount like that at a restaurant is not expensive. 
I hardly see anything that expensive anymore. I feel like whatever I earn is enough as long as I am happy.
As long as Mom is happy.

There are more things that money can't buy. But most of the things I love are the things money can buy. One of the many things are of course my love for にほん。


(Aoi R&R)

I can never describe the feeling of it. まいにち, I miss it. I long for the day I will be there. I craved for the break away from this ever-lasting no ending misery I have. I don't even know why I feel unhappy. I feel sad and not motivated here.

I feel restless and everyday is such a drag. I hardly look forward to anything anymore. 
Anything that I look forward to is such a temporary happiness.

Deep down... I know I am not happy with something. People around me are all happily thinking of marriage. Is it the age already? HARDLY anyone I knew is not thinking/planning of one.
So what's wrong with me? Peer Pressure? But it couldn't be. Because I'm not ready to settle down. 

I still want to chase life. I want to get away from this. From people who only think of settling down. I want to be surrounded by ambitious people. I don't care if what they dream will come true, but at least they dare to dream. I want to be successful. I want to do what I love to do. 

...

I just lost myself... I don't even know myself sometimes.
I don't even know what I want. I don't even know who to tell to anymore.
Everyone is so busy with their signifacant others, I don't know if I can pour out to them without realizing they don't know how to talk to me.

I'm tired of myself. Tired of people and their short term memory.
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Falcon Diaries
16 May 2012 @ 10:31 am
5-year old ;)  


I turned 5 years old on twitter today. Time seems to passing me by. Can't believe it 5 years ago I couldn't even image I would be this addicted and gain a few respectable & beautiful followers. Some of them, become a new established friendship. We clicked, we meet, we travel together, we share problems despite of our continent differences, race and background. 

Can you believe it how micro-blogging seems to move us? Change our daily routine? We gain and lose here and there but more benefits from the internet/ social media medium if we know how to use it well. I am really excited & happy to look back.. if only there is a way to read all the tweets I have been tweeting over the years, isn't that wonderful?

Twitter is like a diary to me. A daily corner to rant. I'm not very good at expressing verbally. My mind works faster than my speech. I tend to stumble and stutter words that are meant to say out. And when I start to stutter, I tend to like "やめてよう" & end up not saying a proper full sentence and let the moment define what I want to say. 

Yes, and end up regretting for not saying it.

I don't enjoy speak S L O W L Y. There is a says, someone who speak S L O W L Y are people just being very careful and does not want to be wrong. Somehow, I kind'a believe it. I hate to be overly careful on few things. Especially with close friends, I feel insecure and awkward if I have to be-careful on every angle. I thought friends are people you shouldn't be too careful with? Friends as in close friends and not acquaintance. 

Speaking of being careful, I locked my twitter account 2 years ago. Mainly because I feel like, because twitter is a daily rant and sometimes at certain moment I may tweet things that may be a little too sensitive. And this sensitive matters aren't things that aren't true. I am being real. But in the cyber world, when you are being real, you are criticizes for being insensitive. I am RESPONSIBLE for every tweets I tweeted. 

And because I feel the urge/need to rant whatever I feel to rant under the sky, I put in my description M18: Coarse Language Content. Look, I'm not trying to promote myself in a way I am setting an example. But since I want to be a responsible twitter user, I want my future/current followers to know there are consequences for following my twitter account

First thing: I flood a lot. I'm sure even tweet spam bot can't compete with me.
Second thing: I kind'a write vulgar here and there. I'm not proud of it, but that's how it is. DAFUQ is wrong with being real.
Third: I'm not everybody best friend. Get a grib. So I do and say whatever I want on twitter.
Fourth: I don't do follow back. IDGAF. I follow whoever and whenever I want to.

Anyway... that's all for now. じゃね。 またね！
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Falcon Diaries
15 May 2012 @ 10:46 am
L'Arc~En~Ciel in Singapore  


Always late, never EARLY. But since I am in the mood to journal, I better grab the opportunity before I got distracted again and again. To start off my end of April, I finally got to catch Laruku live @ Singapore Indoor Stadium =)

Who go? Above picture is the view from my seat. Close har? Laruku is the 2nd Japanese Band I catch. First of course beloved だいほめい The GazettE.  



 Surprisingly or not, I never even once imagine I wanted to attend Laruku Concert. Was in love with the band in 2009 with the song Daybreak's Bell. Who love this song too? (Oh wait, I don't know if anyone reading this journal. I kind'a left it stagnant for far too long) My love for Laruku isn't as deep as GazettE. I am a casual listerner to Jrock music. There was even once I am deeply madly in love with MUCC. I know side track again..

Anyway on early 2012 when L'Arc~En~Ciel announce a WORLD TOUR and Singapore happened to be in the list, I didn't even think twice for it. I sign up for global membership and booked the ticket on the day of the opening. MAD EXPENSIVE but worth it.

The concert is a 10/10. I love everything about it. Speechless and damn in love. Since I am a casually listener, there are few songs which I never heard before but that is not a hinder. Like I said I enjoy myself 100% of the time.

And just like how I predicted, 'Anata' blew me away ~~ !! 


( More L'Arc~En~Ciel Pictures )
I uploaded a few on my instagram. Yes I have instagram.
You may follow me if you wish at FalconDiaries
 =) See you at Instagram ok. 

After the Laruku live, the aftermath withdrawal symptoms is terrible. I feel like Hyde's voice is in my head 24/7. Before I sleep is his voice, the moment I WOKE up, his voice too. I bath = his voice. I eat = his voice. And I wasn't the only one with withdrawal symptoms, my tumblr DB is flooded with their photos. Particularly, Hyde.

Yes I have tumblr. Search for Falcon-Diaries. 

And after that I am in love with VAMPS. Why didn't I watch VAMPS on Youtube before? Why? K.A.Z is such a hair porn!
Will talk more about VAMPS one day. But my favourite song for VAMPS is embded below 




よし！ じゃ まてね！
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Falcon Diaries
10 May 2012 @ 12:02 pm
Body Shop  


Do you have an obsession? Well I do. Apart from I am so addicted to twitter and decide to call myself tweetholic, I have another one that always keep me excited. Product from Body Shop. I love it cause it is organic and not tested on animal. 
Nope I am not trying to be MS SAVE THE WORLD. But I am trying to do what I can do best. 
Support the products that is doing their part as well.

A year ago, I wanted to buy a gift for a friend and splurge something for myself. I ended up buying more than I intended. And the sales person asked if I would like to be a member. At first I thought I don't need it cause I wonder be purchasing much. But since i decided to purchase day and night moisturizer and may need to buy it every 3 months or less, I decide to invest in it.

And after a year (now) I have already upgraded myself to Star Loyalty Membership. Each of my gal pals received a gift from Body shop. Not that I am lazy to search for a gift but every girl deserve something not that expensive but a worth home-spa items.

And Body Shop is the answer =)
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Falcon Diaries
02 February 2012 @ 05:29 pm
On being closet  
       I have always labelled myself as a closet fan. I don't rant so much about fandom till twitter. 
And I have twitter since the early bird days. Due to some curiosity. In 2007 I already wonder about, micro-blogging. 
I kind'a get tired of blogging (like now) and I sign up for twitter.

To be honest, in 2007, twitter is like a dead zone. I would rather log in to myspace and say hi to Tom -.-"
But live has a way of saying "The past is there to mess up with the future"
True enough... I think around 2009, more and more people I know are moving into micro-blogging.

The worst part of all, I forgot about having a twitter account. Hehe ^.^
Well the rest is history.

I am still a closet fan here and there cause I rarely make friends with anyone online.
Be it twitter and tumblr.
I am grateful for having such a great support from tumblr and twitter.
I am also bless to have user who are brave enough to click "friend request" on twitter just to talk to me =)
You're my gem! 

And being a closet means a lot when it comes to dedication.
My long-term YT partner and I, decided to have another video.

Another Jdrama video. I hope I end this correctly.
       
 
  
   
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Current Mood: blahblah
 
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Falcon Diaries
18 November 2011 @ 09:55 am
I'M NOT HOME  
No longer updating here.
But i will log in EVERYDAY for my JPOP/JROCK/VK dosage.

More of me... Google FALCON DIARIES. You'll find me at Tumblr & Twitter. 
 
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Falcon Diaries
21 June 2011 @ 10:20 am
JDRAMA!  
 THIS IS A PILOT VIDEO MADE BETWEEN MY PARTNER AND I

CHECK IT OUT IF YOU LOVE Evident Sequence Code Blue 2 Clone Baby Nagareboshi The Death Game Park BandAge Samurai Sentai Shinkenger Matsuzaka Tori Ueto Aya Haruma Miura Takei Emi Jin Akanishi 








 
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Falcon Diaries
03 May 2011 @ 01:24 pm
(no subject)  
 You reminded me of my past-self.
Too much apologies.
Too much kindness.
Like every good deeds is just not good enough.
 
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Falcon Diaries
05 October 2010 @ 09:45 am
A long came apology  
Being extremely busy with work and occupy myself with myself at night; is something no one wanted to do or become. But i am not you nor many other million humans out there. I cry for the time i want to be with myself. I wanted a day where i don't need to be kind to strangers.

A day without having to press the lift button at the train. A day without saying good morning. A day without smilling to anyone. A day without having a single text. A day without having anything that i am doing for the past how many years.

Sometimes it is tiring to be in the public. To be presentable. To act presentable. And then again, some idiots will try to be clever saying "Who ask you to?" Who ask me to smile at familiar faces at the bus stop? Who ask me to care for me friends so much? To love them in a level that they might hurt me but in return they will never know.

To love someone so much that sometimes i start to wonder which level of love am i in to them. What i really am is not what anyone want to be. I always remind myself of the initial me. How introvet i am. How i just want to stick to the same old friends and clingy on them for as long as they want me to.

How i wanted to have the same type of guy i like and lie my way through im ok with any type of guy. How i wanted everyone to shut up cause their opinion are bullshit. How i wanted everything to just stop and let me breath cause i'm suffering silently.

And no i don't suffer because of you. No i don't suffer at the level of i need help. No i don't suffer to the fact that i am crying. I am suffering cause i don't satisfied me. And i can't satisfied myself anymore. Favourite food become just another food. Favourite song become yet another song. Nothing seems to make myself happy. I smile for 5 seconds and realize im not happy as before.

I want to make myself happy and not anyone else. I need me and i am giving up on me.

At this point of time, i'm sorry if this screw up. I'm sorry that i don't want to fix it and i want everyone to hear the truth. I'm sorry if everyone going to cry and thinking this is ending cause i no longer want to be the person who try to make everyone happy. I'm sorry if i can't like you like how you want me to. I'm sorry that you have to misunderstood my kindess my comfortable presence with you around. I'm sorry that i can never be what you want me to be. I'm sorry that from now on, i will be very direct and will hurt you in return. I'm sorry that i am still holding on to that stupid hope and knowing it won't ever come true. I'm sorry that for now, i am trying to make myself happy and your happiness is the last thing i want to give.

And i'm sorry that i have too much anger in me and i don't know where to start or when i will have a proper blogging way.

I'm sorry that you will have to lose me one day.

I'm sorry that i allow this to happen.

I'm sorry.
 
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Falcon Diaries
01 October 2010 @ 11:44 am
Better be late then never  
It is very unusual of me not to blog. Not to speak my mind. Not to utter few sentence or two.
It feelsl ike there is so many things to do.
So many things to tell.
And yet i'm here staring at the blank white space.

In a matter of 2 minutes later. I'm distracted with something else.
 

 
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